The ER....

The ER....

We drove two streets over, and pulled to the front of the ER.

We got out and Meguell got me in a wheelchair and we stopped at the ER checkin.

I’m not going to lie, it felt like the lady at the front desk had just gotten there for the morning and was moving very slow despite us calling ahead. She had to get all sorts of information before they would take us back. At one point she was looking for my insurance and I remember saying….”We will just pay them, I don’t care. Let’s just get seen.”

Finally she led us (very slowly) to where we needed to go. I remember out loud saying to my midwife who was pushing my wheelchair at this point. “We bless them to be more efficient here.” To which she informed me….. “Actually, that was really fast for them.” It felt like it took forever, and every moment felt precious for us. 

We got in a room, and still things felt slow and flustered. Meguell made the comment weeks later that it seemed like those nurses had never worked in a crisis before. They were more worried about getting me “checked into the room” than anything. Even the doctor got frustrated with the nurses and how slow or unprepared they were.

REALITY….

(PREFACE: This next part feels foggy. I remember a lot of what happened, but it might be out of order.)

I kept my eyes closed a lot during this time. I remember a lot of talk about the nurses figuring things out on the computer. I remember them looking for a sonogram machine (but couldn’t find one. Or the one they brought in, at one time was taking too long to boot up). I remember them looking for a heart beat.

At the same time though, I was still having contractions, so I was in pain. I remember wondering how long they would do all this because I knew my body was still progressing, and I wondered if my body would go into full out, ready to push labor soon.

(on the 1 month anniversary of losing Zion, August, 10, 2021, I was at my sister’s house and talked with her about some of the memories. The hard, painful stuff, like where we are in our story now as I share it with you. Something I learned when she talked with me and read me her and my mom’s message thread, was that sometime during all of this they stated that I was dilated to a 7 or 8. When I had originally arrived at the birth center, I was a 4) So it was obvious, I was progressing quickly, which is quite normal for my labors. 

 

I think at some point I remember hearing that they couldn’t find the heartbeat or maybe they said there wasn’t one.

I remember them still trying to get the sonogram machine to come up, and in my thoughts I was just hoping they were wrong and once the machine pulled up they would see my baby alive. I think they had said out loud that there was no heartbeat. And at this time they were trying to get a sonogram to see if everything was okay inside me because of the blood and clots that had come out.

Meguell was there the whole time.

My midwife stayed at the top of my bed the whole time.

And my sister was at the back of the room.

When we went back they told us only two people could be in the room with us. (Meguell and My Sister)

My mom told my sister to go on back because “she had always wanted to be at one of my births.”

My sister was very aware of the fact that the midwives had trouble finding the baby’s heartbeat at the birth center. But my mom had been focused on my 1 year old niece, so she hadn’t tuned in to what was truly going on at this point. So my sister was very hesitant.

 

**Let me also say, I’ve had 3 wonderful pregnancies and births. None of us had any reason to believe anything would be wrong with this one. My pregnancy was 100% healthy as well. No issues. So for my mom to not be freaking out and worried wasn’t totally abnormal.

I’M GETTING REALLY HOT!….

There was a point during all the commotion that I looked up at my midwife who was right by my head and told her. “I’m getting really hot! My face is hot.”

I think she started to fan me with something and maybe they even got me a cold rag for my head. Then again I repeated…. “My face is really hot!”

Someone asked if I could feel my legs.

I said…. “Not really.” I remember I moved my leg, but I couldn’t totally feel them.

They asked… “Can you hear us?” I answered…. “I can right now, but I don’t think I’ll be able to for much longer….”

I was starting to pass out. But I never fully went out, but things did get blurry.

The doctor got very serious, and had someone to hold my legs up, and I think they held them up for most the rest of the time.

 

CASSEY: Cassey told me it was at this point that she realized she couldn’t be in there/didn’t want to. She knew she was very near losing it emotionally and didn’t think that would be very helpful. She ran out and told my mom, “I can’t do it, mom you go in there!” My mom, still just playing with the 1 year old and following her around, didn’t realize really until she walked in that something was majorly wrong. Cassey said as soon as she walked out to my mom, she just lost it crying out there.

FROM MY MOM: All of a sudden Cassey came back to me crying and said Mom I can’t be in there. You go. Britt just fainted. I can’t be in there. So I went and still didn’t realize the gravity of the situation (I was so worried but still didn’t realize how bad it was) until I walked in to the room saw they were holding Britts legs up and had her head down. Her color was strange. There were doctors and nurses all over. There was one lady doctor that was so kind and compassionate throughout (everyone there were great, mostly) she had a strong accent. She took Meguell out to the hall. I walked out there but stayed back all of a sudden Meguell hit his knees and was crying so hard.

Cassey also told me that at that point, her and my mom were texting. My sister multiple times asked if they had found the heartbeat. Finally my mom was able to say, “no they hadn’t, and now they are talking about a c-section.”

Meguell sometime after hearing about the baby, came out of the room and crumbled to the floor in tears. My sister exclaimed to his mom, “Stacy, Meguell, Go!” And she went to comfort and mourn with her grown son, who was grieving the loss of his ready to be born baby. While also trying to quickly hold it together to be with his wife who was also in critical condition.

CLICK HERE to make sure you don't miss any part of the story....next week City Sister will share the next part of the story from her perspective. 

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3 comments

I am a complete mess after reading this, my heart aches for you just like the day I found out. I prayed so hard over you all and wished desperately there was something else I could do but all I could do was lift you up and beg for comfort and strength and that the Lord would bless you again one day when you were both ready. Although I am not part of your immediate family anymore you are all still in my daily prayers. I love you all so much and wish the best for you always!

Constance

I remember this day so well, Kendra was continuing texting us updates. As the day was going by, seems like slow motion! I couldn’t concentrate on work and mgmt knew something was wrong because I was a crying mess. My heart was hurting for them because the news didn’t sound like a good outcome.

Terry Chandler

Just reading this has me emotional. I remember the day vividly. Your mom had been texting on our “bestie” chat about what was going on. She told us you would have a c-section and she was very upset. Not realizing what all was going on, I tried to console her telling her that would be ok. I had a c-section and it was not so bad. Her next comment made my skin prickle. She replied “No, it’s not ok! There is no heartbeat.” The rest of that day was very gloomy. I prayed and questioned how that could have happened.

Jennifer Cabrera

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