We were at the birth center, and oh my, we were about to have a sweet baby boy.
And I....I was about to have that water birth I had dreamed of.
Yep, some midwife within the center had gotten there in time, before me, and had filled and warmed the bath for me. Oh I was so ready for this.
You see, I'm the kind of person who likes a bath.
When I'm sick, I get in the bath.
On cold winter days (or after i've drank an especially cold smoothie) I get in the bath.
I knew I was totally up for the water birth after I spent my first labor with baby number one, back in 2014, mostly in the bathl. I woke up in labor with Zander at 2AM (after drinking castor oil the night before), and I spent the evening off and on in a nice, hot bath. It wasn't until 11AM that I finally went to the hospital.
So a water birth seemed like heaven for me!
I told my sister and Meguell that I was pretty sure my water broke on the drive. My sister's response was... "OMG in my car!??"
I noticed my mom was already there.
Anyways, I went in, blissful and ready.
I told the midwives I needed to go to the bathroom before I layed on the bed for them to check me out.
I had my husband's underwear on.
It was like after waking up and leaking fluids and blood that morning I didn't know what to wear. So, I put his underwear on.
I went to the rest room and realized I had a lot of blood happening down there.
(It's been over two years since this ocurred, and I can't remember in detail what happened. So I went back to where I wrote Zion's birth story, several weeks after this occured. I wanted to remember it. So I took some alone time at a local coffee shop and wrote it. I remember sitting in that coffee shop, writing and weaping. A couple was meeting with a man across from me. And they were very aware of me. They came over before they left and prayed for me. I just wept. I wanted to tell them everything. I wanted to tell them about my son. I wanted to tell them that I was grieving. But instead, I just wept, and let their prayers cover me.
This is what I wrote that day about what I saw when I went to the restroom at the birth center).
(The following part was written in August 2021, the month after we lost Zion)
"When I went to the restroom, wearing Meguell’s underwear, which made it to the trash shortly after, I told them… “Oh, this isn’t my water, this is blood.” (I still remained calm at this point)
They both came in to look. In Meguell’s underwear was blood, but also I remember seeing two peanut size clots of blood.
They got me to the bed ASAP and got the doppler to find baby’s heartbeat.
SATAN DOES NOT GET TO STEAL THIS JOY WITH FEAR….
I laid on the bed and closed my eyes. Praying and speaking against satan trying to come in and still the joy and peace of this birth with fear. I tried not to let in what was happening but tried to focus on the Lord and remain peaceful.
My sister had immediately come in, and Jireh was still playing on her phone, and she put it by the bed.
The midwives searched a lot for the heartbeat. I’m not sure where in the room Meguell was, as I said my eyes were closed. But I remember seeing my mom and sister. I knew my sister was worried, but still I thought…..No, I’m not worrying, I’m staying peaceful. (so I kept my eyes closed and tried not to look around or notice anyone or see the worry on her face).
They then found a heartbeat at 100, which is very low for a baby. They said….. “We are going to the hospital.” (thankfully it was two blocks away. I put on some bottoms and a robe and got in the car with Meguell. As I did, his mom pulled up, and my sister, niece and mom jumped in my mom’s car.
Meguell drove fast, and in the car, I finally gave in some and started crying.
I still was proclaiming against satan…. out loud I prayed and talked saying…. “No, satan doesn’t get to do this! He doesn’t get to come in and steal this peace from us! He doesn’t get to come in with this fear and totally derail what we’ve been praying for!”"
At this point, I was aware that the whole pregnancy I had prayed against fear. Fear from a new place of giving birth, and fear from a long drive to that place. And now, this felt like Satan gabbing us, and getting a foot hold and I wasn't going to have it.
I mean, I can at least say I fought the fight til the very end! Praying off Satan and his schemes even until we knew the reality of what we were up against....
CLICK HERE to make sure you don't miss any part of the story....next week City Sister will share her blog about getting to the hospital.