How will she ever be ok?

How will she ever be ok?

My mom had ran to the room with Brittany. Time really isn't measureable at this point. Things were going very fast. I saw Meguell come from their room and fall to his knees sobbing with his head in his hands. I looked at Meguell's mom and said "Stacy! Meguell! Go!" 

At this point they are all in the room with Brittany. I am at the other end in the waiting room with my 1 year old. By the grace of God, not a soul ever joined us in that waiting room throughout the entire day. The next minutes were spent with me pacing, sobbing, sitting with Hadasah, looking out the window. WAITING. Before I had left the room they had made comments about getting another ultrasound machine to come in. I saw the tech bring it to her room. I prayed so hard during this time. Please God! Let this be a mistake. Please save Zion and OMG Lord.. please do not let us lose Brittany! 

I wasn't allowing myself to fully believe it yet. But when the tech came back down the hall with his machine, his demeanor was a lot different from when he first came up. As he stood at the employee elevator waiting, I sobbed. I looked at him and sobbed. He asked me "did they tell you what is going on back there?" I looked at him and said "is the baby gone?" He told me yes and I fell to the ground crying. 

My 1 year old was entertained by watching a show on my mom's phone, thank God! I texted my church leadership friends. I called my husband. He was in complete shock like all of us. Immediately packing his bag and getting to us as soon as he can. It would be another 6 hours before he would make it. 

The next moments were excruciating. They had wheeled Britt off to emergency surgery. I was shocked when I saw Meguell at the door of their room. Why wasn't he with her? My experiences were that my husband had always been with me with my c-sections. But, in emergencies, you can't. Meguell came down towards us and he was back and forth pacing- and when he was with us he was going from kneeling to standing. I had taken his phone and charged it so at one point he had gotten it to get in touch with friends. 

My phone was blowing up. I didn't know they had sent a text out asking for prayer and Britt's friends were messaging me. I was messaging my friend who had lost her baby girl the year before and she was walking me through all the things I needed to make sure Britt did and how I could support her. I will be forever grateful. 

Sitting out there waiting was SO long. The surgery took a lot longer than mine normally did and I was very aware of that. Watching Meguell pained me to my core. As much as I hurt because this was my sister, this man had just lost his son and knew that his wife had been fading very quickly. He was told and recognized this was an emergency. 

The doors below are forever engrained in my memory. I walked over there a few times and just prayed by them. My sister was behind these doors. Lord! Please be with her. And please let this be a mistake. Let Zion have LIFE! 

At some point Meguell's dad got there. I remember thinking "how the heck did he get here so fast?" (He lived 2 hours away). Watching him meet his dad in the hall way, both VERY TALL men, embracing one another broke my heart. And I remember thinking- I am so thankful they live here in East Texas where family can be there! They had recently moved from Abilene. Being here and seeing family show up- was truly a gift. 

The dr. came out and told us she was out of surgery and being stitched up. Zion had been brought back to the room waiting for her. It was all so much. 

And in that moment I determined, even in this grief, I needed to stand up and stand in where my sister and Meguell could not. Big Sister came out, I wiped my tears and I was determined to ensure we did everything to make this time with Zion as special as it could be. As the day would go on I would reach out to friends who I knew had lost babies, tell them the story and ask WHAT I needed to do to support her. WHAT things do we need to ensure we do before she leaves the hospital? And WHAT could I take off their plates to help their grieving process. 

They told us Brittany was being rolled back out soon. We all four went and stood by the door of her room, where baby Zion lay, and waited for her. We had a very good conversation with her doctor and we were encouraged. And then there was my sister, being rolled back to her room, laying on a bed, with her hands in the air as if she was reaching for her baby. 

My Lord, HOW would she ever be ok? 

How would our family ever be ok?


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